Day 47

Funny how time flies and still it doesn't sink in. Today, I realized that my brothers eill always be there for me. Today, my decision to give up with the battle has been firm. I am giving up. It is just very sad to see  that all your hardwork and sacrifices will not be with the person you have dedicated it with. Don't worry, your daughter will be loved by the people who truly cares for US. I know, you are looking down on me right now, telling me to let it go, don't stress it out, just enjoy the love that is being given by the people who truly loves you, and just continue loving our daughter... 

Day 46

I really don't know right now. When I went in our car, I realize something. It made me realize that whatever earthly possession that you had, it will not cover the fact that you are not there anymore. I realized that to further give me peace of mind, i am willing to give up all the fight. Whatever they decide with your stuff, I'll give the decision to them. But when the time that Keiceeh comes, they should not expect that I will approach them for support. All i am asking for right now with you is for you to guide me and to help me out. I know I can do it without their help. I have been a strong woman since, but please give me more strength to be able to go day after day without you by my side. I will always tell our story to your daughter for she has the right to know. You will not be kept a secret. I will always be proud that you are the father of my daughter. 

Day 45

Today, you should have been in Baguio, taking up your licensure exams, but unfortunately, it didn't happen. I know that if you were here, you would have surpassed the exams and would brag that you are the Top 1. I miss the way you would be so happy to tell me that you made it. The way you would e bragging to me that it was just easy peasy. I just miss you...

Today, i was given the courage to stand up for myself. I know that you are proud of me for saying my piece. It is not normal for me to be like that but I have to say something that I know you would like me to do. The battle has been won. I just hope that it was the right decision. I know that they are pissed at me right now, but i need to stand up. It is not normal for us to weigh the things that we share. But seeing the way they have been treating me, i know i need to speak up. Thank you for the courage. 

Day 44

While watching Father of the Bride, I realized that Keiceeh will not be able to hear your jokes, to spend some time with you, to be able to share milestones with you. You were always excited sharing what you would like to do with our daughter. It is just so saddening that I will be alone to raise our daughter. I miss you so much....

Day 43

It has been 43 days since you left. I am not so sure if I am doing the right thing now. I am going back to my writing passion. It has been difficult for me to release my pains and anger for the past few days. I am still in denial. I still believe that you are here. 2 weeks after you left, that was the time that I found out the gender of our baby. It was difficult to be alone in this momentous life. I know you were there when I found out but it would have been more memorable if you were still there physically. Then I went to see the doctor and she was also shocked to know that you were gone. I think every one doesn't believe. You left me in a situation that I might not be able to handle alone. Good thing that I have the support of your cousins and siblings. I am sure that you are watching over me. I know that you don't like what is going on with my life right now. You left me to deal with the issues that I know you wouldn't care. It has been a very rough situation but I am trying to manage it. I sure hope that everything will be okay in the next couple of weeks. I am praying to you to give me strength to overcome this problems. I am hoping to be okay. I wish you are still here.